


Implore The Dawn

by Ismaire



Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: If | Fire Emblem: Fates
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Death, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Past Relationship(s), Post-War, Timeskips
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-04
Updated: 2017-08-04
Packaged: 2018-11-28 11:38:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,998
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11417157
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ismaire/pseuds/Ismaire
Summary: It'd come to him, the memories, in the form of scattered and inconsistent déjà-vu.





	Implore The Dawn

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know where I'm going with this, but I'm going somewhere.

To lie and say he no longer held feelings for his co-subordinate would be most dishonorable. To lie and say it didn't affect him when she began seeing other people is equally as dishonorable, if not selfish. It hurt, it hurt a lot. He wishes it was him she smiled at, him she told all about her paintings to, him that could be around her and have a comfortable ambiance to. Now everything their relationship was was strictly business, and the same undying loyalty to their liege.  
  
They talked a lot but it wasn't the same. It was all professional, no jokes, no humor, nothing. It was monotonous and boring, and it absolutely pained him that they never interacted in a friendly matter anymore. Anytime she ever approached him was a question about work or clarification of plans. There were never any hello's, or how are you's said between them. The closets they did get was slight eye contact when they would walk past each other. Even then, acknowledgment like that was rare. 

It always killed him.

They went from lovers to strangers, all in the span of that dreadful day before the war truly began. They agreed to end their relationship, due to their overwhelming differences, and for their liege. Because as painful as it was to say it, Lord Ryoma always came first. That was a statement that still held true to this day. But even after the war, when there really wasn't much to do for their prince, the acknowledgment and the interactions were still as depressingly non-existent as they had been. 

And maybe, sure. Maybe he didn't have a right to be jealous or upset or angry really—Kagero was allowed to be friends with whomever she pleased—but it made him absolutely fucking sick to see her with someone else. Someone that everyone knew was better than him in terms of personality.

He'd see her with Subaki, how he would appreciate her art and give her critiques and advice in general. Her face loosened from being the monotonous and stoic expression to a much more relaxed and calmed one. A face he never saw anymore, at least, never saw made towards him anyway. If he wasn't so prideful, he'd physically moped.

What made Saizo want to cry was when Hinata gave her a big hug and she accepted it. While neither one of them were the most affectionate type, they still did show it in the comfort of their own tents or in absolute privacy. It truly did make the red ninja want to sob his heart out. But even if there was a sour taste in his theist creeping up, he couldn't swallow his pride and let himself break down. Not even in his own tent would he allow it.  
  
Saizo was the epitome of  _pathetic._ All he really wanted was some goddamn friendly conversation with her.   
  
Sometimes, late at night, Saizo would stay up, having episodic insomnia could really be a pain in the ass. But on those unfortunate dusky nights where he would stay up, he would remember everything, even more so than in the daytime where he was constantly thinking. He'd silently cry. Everything hit so hard and everything hurt and he just-  
  
He couldn't take it without release like this forever.  
  
But after those melancholic nights, he'd wake up feeling refreshed, and ready for a new day- in spite of his lingering, painful feelings.  
  
But then the war will end. And Saizo's apathetic demeanor would hold no longer.

* * *

The lasting war between Nohr and Hoshido did end, finally. Many soldiers were lost in the massacre, countless that would only be remembered by their families. If they even had families. Saizo made it out alive, as well as Kaze. Ryoma had not.   
  
Neither had Kagero.  
  
If Saizo and Kaze weren't on such icy, business-like terms, he would have had at least one thing to live for. But he had nothing. Losing Ryoma was hard on Lady Hinoka and Lady Sakura, as well as the rest of Hoshido's citizens. But losing Kagero? It was the most painful thing he had ever felt. Nothing could compare to it.  
  
They both died with honor. Kagero died protecting her liege, and Ryoma committed seppuku for the sake of his region. Saizo would have liked to think that in her last moments, she died fiercely, doing what she loved- fulfilling her mission to protect her liege. Saizo didn't quite understand why Ryoma committed suicide, even though he was present to witness it. But he never thought of him as cowardly, he simply accepted it and tried to move on, even without both him and Kagero in his life.

* * *

It'd been a couple of years since the war ended. Kaze and his wife settled down somewhere peaceful, and could properly raise their daughter now that they weren't constantly fighting. Lady Hinoka went on to become a powerful, influential queen for Hoshido, while Lady Sakura dedicated her life to healing the lacerated. Saizo, however? He didn't do much. Lady Hinoka gave him a retired status for everything that he did for this region, even gave him a room in the massive Castle Shirasagi. She was generous, and made sure he was comfortable. She more than likely understood the weight of his lost, for Lady Hinoka, too, had lost her husband to the war.  
  
Saizo passed the days by either sleeping, or going out with Subaki for a few drinks. He had to admit, despite the perfect charade, he was an empathetic and kind person when he wanted to be. Subaki lost a lot even before the war, he just always presented himself as content.  _I wish I had that ability,_ Saizo would think as he finished the rest of that cherry blossom  _sake_.   
  
Once he'd be home in bed, the thoughts would come. It'd come to him, the memories, in the form of scattered and inconsistent déjà-vu. The memories of the war, yes. But also memories before it. When he and Kagero were still together, still happy living alongside each other instead of tolerating each other for the sake of Lord Ryoma and the war Hoshido was facing. Sometimes he would be out in the village, and he'd see someone that looked like Kagero, and for a second he wished that it was. But he knew much better.

It wasn't.  
  
After he would feel the déjà-vu, he'd go to Kagero's old tent. For some reason no one bothered to take it down. Perhaps by order of Lady Hinoka, to serve as a war memorial. But Saizo could tell no one ever went inside, only him. He would look at her old things, such as her tarot cards, or her paintings. Sometimes he'd look at her art supplies and unfinished works and just marvel at them. He never quite fully understood her art and the things she drew. But he appreciated what she could do, for art is supposed to make you experience something. And he would experience Kagero.  
  
However, this night was different. As Saizo basked in the scent of the paper and her natural musk, he sifted through her canvas, hoping to find something new. He ended up finding a scroll, that was only a couple of years old. It was neat and the paper looked relatively new. He hadn't seen that one, before. After lighting a lantern, he carefully unrolled the paper to look at its contents.  
  
It was a letter, addressed to Saizo.  
  
Well of course, now he was intrigued if he wasn't already.

* * *

      _Dear Saizo,_  
  
_Hopefully this letter goes out to you as I have planned. If you are reading this, yes, I am dead. How I died? I cannot foresee the future, but most likely it was due to the war. I never was the most resilient, but if I died, at least I have fulfilled my duties as a liege, and as a ninja. Before I get on with the purpose of this, I'd like to do something quickly. How is life like? How is Lord Ryoma and the rest of Hoshido? I hope everything is alright, hopefully once I am gone I will be able to watch over this world. It would pain me to part with you forever._  
  
_I suppose I've stalled long enough, haven't I? Very well. I am writing you this in hopes that it may give you some closure. Though we are no longer romantically involved, I can still read through you like a book. In your one good eye, I see your pain, Saizo. And that truly pains me, as well. I do not regret our decision, somewhat. Since it was for Lord Ryoma and Hoshido. But I also do regret it because I could not be with the man I loved most. And if he is reading this now, I've truly gone. I will apologize for being so curt, cold, and professional with you the last couple of months during the war. I simply could not face you and not cry from how much I've missed you. Gods, I miss you so much, Saizo. Not a day went by where I didn't wish it was different. Not a day went by where I didn't wish we could be together, for I love no one as much as I loved you. I apologize deeply, Saizo. I wished I could have expressed myself better._  
  
_If you are reading this, yes, I am gone. But I'd like for you to have something. I've worked on this for many days and nights, any time I had free time, I worked on it. I wanted to make sure it was perfect, my best work yet. If you follow the instructions carefully, you will find this. And yes, it is yours to keep, my love. Truly, however, anything in my tent I've given to you, as Lady Hinoka and Lord Ryoma know. But this especially, this is what I'd like for you to have if you take anything._  
  
_If everything is as planned, Lady Hinoka or Lord Ryoma gave you the room I specifically asked them to. There will be a key under a tile, a tile that is under the desk within your quarters. That key is the one that opens up the chest within the closet. Hopefully you have not opened it yet, for then this would be obsolete. But I hope you do enjoy what is in there, as my departing gift._  
  
_With love,_  
_Kagero_

* * *

Saizo carefully rolled up the letter, and took it with him back to his quarters, as the letter asked of him. Once he makes it inside the dimly lit room, he turns on his gas lamp to give the space some light. After carefully moving over the desk, he sees a tile that isn't quite like the others. He wonders how he missed it before. Now that he thought of it, that was the purpose for this. After a little wiggling and budging around with the stone brick, he removes it and sees the key she was talking about. It is a simple one, with nothing intricate about it, carved out of sturdy platinum. After taking it, he puts the tile back in place and it sifts perfectly, save for the cracks where it was deliberately removed. The key is cold in his hands as he walks over to his closet, and low and behold, the chest is there. It is nothing big, Saizo could keep his daggers and other smaller weapons inside, but not much of else. No wonder he missed that, as well.  
  
After taking a few deep breaths, he puts the key in the lock, twisting it until it unlocked. Carefully, the redheaded ninja lifts the top of it, and finds a canvas. Perplexed, Saizo lifts it up with the utmost care, and walks into the light where he can see what is on it.   
  
Beautifully etched and painted, it is a portrait of both Saizo and Kagero.

 


End file.
